Category Archives: Atlanta Goodness

A Comprehensive Review of MARTA’s Hip-Hop Sensation, “The Safety Slide”

Published Dec. 4, 2012. See it here.

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The good ol’ Metropolitan Atlanta Rapid Transit Authority has done it again! They present to us… The MARTA Safety Slide, a little ditty soon to be topping R&B charts for sure. Because no one can resist a song that comes with a dance…

Exhibit A
Exhibit B

We know this is a lot to take in at once so we broke it on down in a review to help ya’ll out.

The Atlanta Dream Mascot: 4 Stars
We’re thrilled that MARTA has selected Star, the WNBA’s Atlanta Dream mascot, to rep our city and help passengers improve their safety skills. So what if no one knows what this massive bird creature is? He or she is clearly bursting with ATL pride. We aren’t so thrilled by his (her?) antennae… Also, why does Star value others’ safety so much more than his own? Shouldn’t the whole “secure your own oxygen mask before helping others” rule also apply in bus and train decorum? For these reasons, Star loses a star.

Dance Crew of Average Citizens: 5 Stars
Where else but Atlanta would all ages and races be represented in an ever-growing mob of safety sliders? If this video accomplishes nothing else, at least it will further confirm the irrefutable fact that Atlantans can werk. We just hope that all that sassy slidin’ didn’t cause any of them to miss their bus!

Man Who Tries Running For the Bus: No Stars
You, sir, earn no stars. You just need to go home for the day and listen to the sultry sounds of the Safety Slide.

Overall Score: 4.5 Stars

But don’t just take our word for it. Read these YouTube comment highlights:

“Nice video with good information. Very catchy song, could actually be a hit at parties and clubs. Who knew Louis could break it down like that!” – Dean Neblett

“how on earth can you be anything but delighted with this extraordinary insanity? this is the sort of deeply bizarre thing that atlanta is sorely short on. @itsmartanews: don’t listen to these hatas! might i recommend a metal video next starring atlanta’s own MASTODON?” – Nick Black

“look look look before takin’ a step omg it’s in my head” – Nick Black in reply to Nick Black

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Five Ways to Get Your Family Out of the House (Segways Not Included)

Published Nov. 17, 2012. See it here.
Oakland Cemetery
It’s that time of year. Loved ones come to visit from far and wide expecting the full Atlanta experience—choppin’ that house outside Turner Field and gently caressing the backs of horseshoe crabs at the aquarium. They can practically feel the wind in their hair and the fanny-pack across their hips as they glide past the CNN Center aboard their Segways, allowing those majestic chariots to carry them to the World of Coke where they might pose for pictures by friendly polar bears and giant decorative bottles. Delightful as all these places are, you envision yourself… trying to avoid these tourist traps.

Here are five Atlanta tours that will satisfy your guests’ wayfaring wishes while leaving your waist free of fanny-packs (unless you just roll that way) and your hands free of horse-shoe crab residue (ditto)!

Bicycle Tours of Atlanta – Get out and get moving on a bike tour! Don’t forget to bring a sweater though… it’s borderline wintry out there. With three main routes to choose from and each tour covering about 10 miles, there’s sure to be something both you and your guests have a hankering to see. Plus, the Atlanta Street Art Tour beats the heck out of looking at murals through your dirty windshield, don’t you think?

Atlanta Culinary Tours – Time to explore some of Atlanta’s best and most unique noshing neighborhoods like Downtown Decatur, Inman Park/Old Fourth Ward and Roswell. You’ll get a good meal and discover hidden gastronomic gems while knowledgeable guides school you on some tasty local history between eats.

Atlanta Movie Tours – This one is for the zombie-lovers. You know who we’re talking about. Now they can follow in footsteps of their favorite Walking Dead characters. Bonus: all the Big Zombie Tour guides are actors with special insight into TWD. Let’s just say these guys don’t rep a perfect touradvisor.com rating for nothing.

Oakland Cemetery Tours – Take your guests on a self-guided or guide-guided tour through Oakland Cemetery. The choice is yours, my friend. Either way, you can take in the gardens’ beauty as you come across some grand sculptures and maybe some famous specters. You can even go on a scavenger hunt and have yourself your own otherworldly adventure.

Local Brewery Tours – Last but not least, we present to you the brewery tours. Red Brick, Red Hare and Sweetwater are the standbys here. Most tours are free, just remember that no tour is complete without a stint in the tasting room and you’re gonna need to buy the glass for that.

13 ATL-centric Halloween Costumes

Published Oct. 19, 2012. See it here.

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It’s coming.

It’s coming.

It’s coming.

The most epic of epic Hallows’ Eve jamborees is on the horizon. And if you haven’t already settled on some form of costumery, you may feel whipsawed by confusion. But worry not, dear reader: we’ve got a few handy suggestions to get you out of that pickle, and we promise not to steal any of them for ourselves. Best of all? They’re all local. Because that’s just how we do. Also because Bicycle Shorts Terry is way better than Sexy Nurse.

Catlanta
You will need: scissors, cardboard, paint, string
Optional: eyeliner whiskers, people willing to scale fences to find you

Chipper Jones’ Last Game
You will need: poster boards, Braves jersey, baseball cap
Optional: peanuts, nostalgia

A Walking Dead Zombie
You will need: clothes to destroy, zombie make up
Optional: faux human flesh to gnaw on

The Varsity Orange Drink
You will need: orange pants, orange shirt, straws, glue
Optional: a friend wearing a hotdog suit

Lun Lun the Giant Panda
You will need: black pants, something with black sleeves, hat/headband with black ears
Optional: bamboo, crew of panda pals, legion of adoring fans

Meatwad from Aqua Teen Hunger Force
You will need: pillow filling, adhesive, brown paint
Optional: black tooth, afro wig

Aunt Fran & Uncle Stan, the Proud Parents of Cousin Dan
You will need: laser pointer, baby, codpiece for the baby

Bicycle Shorts Terry
You will need: bicycle shorts. Roll of quarters. Extreme confidence. Done.

Do You Like Good Poetry
You will need: rhyme skills, ability to think on your feet, extreme persistence
Optional: an MFA in Poetry.

King & Queen of Pops
You will need: Matching crowns, ermine robe, frozen delicacies
Optional: push cart, rainbow umbrella

Murder Kroger
You will need: deathly makeup, tunic fashioned out of a brown paper Kroger bag, faux weaponry
Optional: shopping cart for collecting victims

Fitness With Jeff
You will need: a Fitness With Jeff sign (see here), a Fitness With Jeff t-shirt, a Fitness With Jeff minivan, body like a battle axe

Baton Bob
You will need: an assortment of hats, a tutu, sass unlimited